Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Ps 139)

Over the past month or so I have been hidden away in some of the truths found within Psalm 139. This has always been for me one of those psalms that my over-familiarity with kept me from really taking time to meditate on the truths therein. However, after sitting in several weeks’ worth of Tim Reimherr’s team briefings when they were doing this psalm, I was provoked to spend some time in serious dialogue with the Lord in this passage. I have found what I believe is the but the beginning of a rich well of truth, one which will help me (and all those who will subject themselves to such truth) become settled in my identity just as who God created me. I will not try to set out a ‘logical’ argument in this post – rather, I am going to attempt to ‘overflow’ from the heart, hopefully touching on a few of the areas that have been highlighted to me over the past weeks. Maybe one day a logical presentation will follow, but for now it must be merely an expression of things which I am attempting to take from a mere intellectual apprehension into an experiential apperception within the whole of my person.

The Subtlety of Self-Hatred

It has been striking me how subtle self-hatred can be for each and every person. Though but a small percentage of men and women may struggle against truly depressive tendencies which would be openly termed as hatred of the self, I am convinced that there is not one person who does not give credence to this subtle act of true despondency. For most of us the expression of this disposition presents itself in the subtle forms of comparison, envy, covetousness, etc. 

Each and every time that we view our external circumstances or our internal gift mix with eyes of despair we are in essence hating ourselves. It goes a little like this, “I wish that I could ___ like ’so-and-so’,” or, “If I only had the option to ____,” or, “I could never ____ like that other person.” The list could go on and on, and there are undoubtedly infinite words that could be plugged in those blanks by countless people. It could be that we despise our physical appearance, our emotional make-up, how smart we are (or are not), how charismatic we are (or are not), etc. Again, the list could continue with varied scenarios which would be unique to each person.

I have come to terms over the past weeks that these subtle thoughts are actually self-hatred. 

Purposefully Fashioned by the LORD

Now, David points out in this Psalm that the innermost parts of his person were formed by the Lord, and then he was covered (or woven, NASB) together in his mother’s womb. We must stop for a moment to take the beauty of this truth in. We must attempt to receive it with the entirety of our being. David is fully aware that the Lord intricately made him the way that he was – both his internal make-up and his external features. Each detail was place there by God – ultimately for His own purpose and His own pleasure.

He then goes on to say that the works of the Lord’s hands are wonderful! Now, if the creator of the heavens and the earth intricately formed my innermost parts (mind, will, emotions, etc.) and covered me in my mother’s womb, and all the works of His hand are wonderful – than why do I spend so much of my life trying to be someone else? Why do I look to the right and to the left continually to see if I am doing well in life – ultimately basing my worth on what I think it means to be successful from how others live their lives?

So it here passes from merely self-hatred, to actual offense at God. I think that if I was someone else (not entirely, but maybe just a part) or had other circumstances, that I would be happier or more successful. All the while I am completely disconnected from the fact that God purposefully and intentionally fashioned me the way He did for a specific purpose – ultimately, like I said before, His pleasure. Since that is the purpose, I can stop the comparison game – because the Lord will receive the most pleasure in me when I am being who He created me to be in Christ, in partnership with His grace.

The more I can connect to this, the more I can rest in who I am and the circumstances in which I am placed. I can be thankful for my level of intellect, charisma, etc. as well as be grateful for my circumstances, because the God who knows me down to the smallest detail that no one else in the entire earth will, or could ever know, leads my life in perfection and orchestrates my days in order that I would bring Him glory and pleasure.

 

That is enough for now, maybe I will talk more later.

Blessings,

r